A List of Books I Will Never Write

The following is a list of 12 books I will never write:

1. Dent - A series of life impression essays from the perspective a dent in a Silver 2006 Ford Escape Hybrid.
2. I May Be Dumb, But I Am Not Stupid - Biography
3. Magic Hour - The story of the Great Depressini, a magician whose tragic romantic life taints his 1 hour cable access magic program.  Watch as hope disappears.
4. Couch -  The story of Gary, a couch potato, who loves to taunt family members into fighting each other for money so he can watch.
5. Cargo Shorts - A series of short stories about about things that are transported from one place to another, as Cargo.
6. Mug - Think you have it rough? Watch as Larry the Coffee Mug tries to get a handle on modern living.
7. Preliminary Results - When bad news arrives decisions are made.  Can things be made right?  Or will we have to wait for the final results?
8. Bubble - Can you talk and make a bubble with your mouth at the same time?  Find out what life is like when all you can do is listen.
9. Honey Do - Tom Lexington didn't have many goals in life.  His wife Maggie does. What will Tom do? Whatever Maggie wants.  That is until it kills him.
10. Death Salad - When a bag salad company distributes their product it begins to kill people.  Meat might be murder, but this salad is genocide.
11. Carver - Hans' only skill in life is carving the Thanksgiving turkey to perfection.  Hans' family is about to go vegan.  What will Hans carve now?
12. Sprinkle Pool - Terry Tyson loves ice cream with sprinkles.  When she wins $10,000,000 will she take her obsession to far?  Find out if life comes with a cherry on top in this snacking adventure.

I'd love to hear about things you will never write.  I like some of these enough I might write them anyway.  

I like a good list.